I lack direction.

Surprise!

Things that are So, So Good

• Taco Tuesdays that begin at 4:30pm and (eventually) include Jeff. Generally everything about Fred's.
  
• Champps Thursdays and getting Megan out of Fontana.
• Graeme's new apartment in Narnia.
  
• Barbecuing with the news-team.
• Walks on the beach... and empty lifeguard towers.
• His writing our names in the sand.
  

(!!)

End of Summer

Goodnight Moon

The more I learn about you, the more wonderful this all becomes.

Things that are Good

• VIP Tour tips to cover my credit card bill for the month.
• Getting put on the event at the end of the week.
• Running the Yogurt store by myself, four days in to working there.
• Moonlit hikes in the San Juan Hills.
• Benches perched atop said San Juan Hills, excellent for making out.
• Full moons.
• Night surfing in 75° water, waving to friends on the pier.
• Being comfortable around Bowie.
• Taking a board to the bridge of the nose and not breaking it.
• Getting let off with a warning, rather than a fifth speeding ticket.
• Tent buying and Yosemite plan-making.
• VIP sections at ridiculous concerts, role reversals.
  
• Getting smoked out by band managers.
• Your coming to visit me at work.
  

Things that are Incredible

• Impromptu breakfast plans.
• Getting picked up in a Porsche.
• Your compliments in my glasses and a banged up Hot Hot Heat shirt.
  
• Text messages that start with "Of course, love." And end with "Goodnight darling."
• Pizza Port and the upstairs bar, as long as Amy's there it's worth the 1,000•.
• Trader Joe's folk, and the Trader Joe's folk that are out on maternity or want to transfer, so I can have their chalk art job.
• A brilliant idea and insightful friends to bounce it off of.
• Being able to lean, sit and text message at work, no big deal.
• Tattoo confirmation.
  
• Two tickets from the manager of Cypress Hill for Friday night's concert.

Things that are Good

• Bottle 2 of 3: Italian "goodbye wine," used to toast a beginning instead of an end.
• Mohawks, because I'm tugging on it.
• Long-boarding at Doheney.
• Watching young parents teach their tiny children how to surf, and watching the kids' joy in their success.
• Making a veritable hodgepodge of dinner together.
  
• Surf films.
• Your lips.
• The Norton Anthology of poetry, the seventh, two-volume edition -- mine for the taking, because you've finished reading it.
• Little yogurt stores.
• Being able to curse, loudly, at work, in front of all aspects of management.
• Your text messages.
• Street fair in Orange this weekend.
• A VIP tour on Saturday that should cover my credit card bill for the month.
  
• Making others' 'someday's' your tomorrow.
• The Mountain Goats' 'All Hail West Texas.'
  

Things that are Good

• Mohawks, plugs, huge smiles and Edvard Munch tattoos.
• New adventures in illicit activities.
  
• Plans for a small but really wonderful tattoo of my own.
• An end in sight for the Disney Look. (Hello nose piercing.)
• Surfing.
• Sweet text messages.
• That giant bed of yours.
  
• My screen printing class.
• "Thinking like an entrepreneur."
• Downtown San Clemente.
• Things falling into place.
• Cursive's 'Mama, I'm Swollen.'
  

Needs Internet Supervision

I let the people I'm around define me.
I don't think it's bad, necessarily (because good goddamn, these people are nothing if not hand-picked and incredible), but his dreams are trumping mine.

He's had three or four years now to create, define and sharpen, though, so why do I feel so bad? He went and surfed for two years. Seriously, did nothing but surf and work at TJ's.

Give me a goddamn minute and a half.

I'm drunk, I'll delete this.


It is bad.
My friends are my priority, but I'm losing myself?
They're all going to start doing things, we'll be even more spread out and harder to pull together.

I am so quick to become enamored with people.
It's ridiculous and unnerving and more than anything, emotionally inconvenient.

GS says I date sixes, where in his opinion, there's no reason for anything less than eight.
The thing is, I own my sixes.

Eights through tens fuck my shit up.
Hence the post.

Six Types of Love

Eros is passionate, physical, lustful love—the kind that gives you butterflies in your stomach and a tingling in certain other places.

Banquet is love that expresses itself through altruism, or making sacrifices for another person.

Mania is an obsessive love that, while intimate and intense, often includes jealousy, possessiveness and a lack of communication. Maniacal love can lead to domestic violence.

Pragma is a practical love. People who conceive of love this way are pragmatic (you didn’t see that one coming, didja?) when looking for a partner. They choose their mate based on rational decisions about whom they fit best with.

Ludus is love that’s a game. A Ludic lover wants to have fun, but doesn’t necessarily want a serious relationship.

Storge is friendship-based love. A Storge lover wants a companion who shares her likes and dislikes and who can form a long relationship based on closeness, trust, security and affection

An Incomplete Manifesto for Growth

1. Allow events to change you.
You have to be willing to grow. Growth is different from something that happens to you. You produce it. You live it. The prerequisites for growth: the openness to experience events and the willingness to be changed by them.

2. Forget about good.Good is a known quantity.
Good is what we all agree on. Growth is not necessarily good. Growth is an exploration of unlit recesses that may or may not yield to our research. As long as you stick to good you’ll never have real growth.

3. Process is more important than outcome.
When the outcome drives the process we will only ever go to where we’ve already been. If process drives outcome we may not know where we’re going, but we will know we want to be there.

4. Love your experiments (as you would an ugly child).
Joy is the engine of growth. Exploit the liberty in casting your work as beautiful experiments, iterations, attempts, trials, and errors. Take the long view and allow yourself the fun of failure every day.

5. Go deep.
The deeper you go the more likely you will discover something of value.

6. Capture accidents.
The wrong answer is the right answer in search of a different question. Collect wrong answers as part of the process. Ask different questions.

7. Study.
A studio is a place of study. Use the necessity of production as an excuse to study. Everyone will benefit.

8. Drift.
Allow yourself to wander aimlessly. Explore adjacencies. Lack judgment. Postpone criticism.

9. Begin anywhere.
John Cage tells us that not knowing where to begin is a common form of paralysis. His advice: begin anywhere.

10. Everyone is a leader.
Growth happens. Whenever it does, allow it to emerge. Learn to follow when it makes sense. Let anyone lead.

11. Harvest ideas.
Edit applications. Ideas need a dynamic, fluid, generous environment to sustain life. Applications, on the other hand, benefit from critical rigor. Produce a high ratio of ideas to applications.

12. Keep moving.
The market and its operations have a tendency to reinforce success. Resist it. Allow failure and migration to be part of your practice.

13. Slow down.
Desynchronize from standard time frames and surprising opportunities may present themselves.

14. Don’t be cool.
Cool is conservative fear dressed in black. Free yourself from limits of this sort.

15. Ask stupid questions.
Growth is fueled by desire and innocence. Assess the answer, not the question. Imagine learning throughout your life at the rate of an infant.

16. Collaborate.
The space between people working together is filled with conflict, friction, strife, exhilaration, delight, and vast creative potential.

17. ____________________.
Intentionally left blank. Allow space for the ideas you haven’t had yet, and for the ideas of others.

18. Stay up late.
Strange things happen when you’ve gone too far, been up too long, worked too hard, and you’re separated from the rest of the world.

19. Work the metaphor.
Every object has the capacity to stand for something other than what is apparent. Work on what it stands for.

20. Be careful to take risks.
Time is genetic. Today is the child of yesterday and the parent of tomorrow. The work you produce today will create your future.

21. Repeat yourself.
If you like it, do it again. If you don’t like it, do it again.

22. Make your own tools.
Hybridize your tools in order to build unique things. Even simple tools that are your own can yield entirely new avenues of exploration. Remember, tools amplify our capacities, so even a small tool can make a big difference.

23. Stand on someone’s shoulders.
You can travel farther carried on the accomplishments of those who came before you. And the view is so much better.

24. Avoid software.
The problem with software is that everyone has it.

25. Don’t clean your desk.
You might find something in the morning that you can’t see tonight.

26. Don’t enter awards competitions.
Just don’t. It’s not good for you.

27. Read only left-hand pages.
Marshall McLuhan did this. By decreasing the amount of information, we leave room for what he called our “noodle.”

28. Make new words.
Expand the lexicon. The new conditions demand a new way of thinking. The thinking demands new forms of expression. The expression generates new conditions.

29. Think with your mind.
Forget technology. Creativity is not device-dependent.

30. Organization = Liberty.
Real innovation in design, or any other field, happens in context. That context is usually some form of cooperatively managed enterprise. Frank Gehry, for instance, is only able to realize Bilbao because his studio can deliver it on budget. The myth of a split between “creatives” and “suits” is what Leonard Cohen calls a ‘charming artifact of the past.’

31. Don’t borrow money.
Once again, Frank Gehry’s advice. By maintaining financial control, we maintain creative control. It’s not exactly rocket science, but it’s surprising how hard it is to maintain this discipline, and how many have failed.

32. Listen carefully.
Every collaborator who enters our orbit brings with him or her a world more strange and complex than any we could ever hope to imagine. By listening to the details and the subtlety of their needs, desires, or ambitions, we fold their world onto our own. Neither party will ever be the same.

33. Take field trips.
The bandwidth of the world is greater than that of your TV set, or the Internet, or even a totally immersive, interactive, dynamically rendered, object-oriented, real-time, computer graphic–simulated environment.

34. Make mistakes faster.
This isn’t my idea — I borrowed it. I think it belongs to Andy Grove.

35. Imitate.
Don’t be shy about it. Try to get as close as you can. You’ll never get all the way, and the separation might be truly remarkable. We have only to look to Richard Hamilton and his version of Marcel Duchamp’s large glass to see how rich, discredited, and underused imitation is as a technique.

36. Scat.
When you forget the words, do what Ella did: make up something else … but not words.

37. Break it, stretch it, bend it, crush it, crack it, fold it.

38. Explore the other edge.
Great liberty exists when we avoid trying to run with the technological pack. We can’t find the leading edge because it’s trampled underfoot. Try using old-tech equipment made obsolete by an economic cycle but still rich with potential.

39. Coffee breaks, cab rides, green rooms.
Real growth often happens outside of where we intend it to, in the interstitial spaces — what Dr. Seuss calls “the waiting place.” Hans Ulrich Obrist once organized a science and art conference with all of the infrastructure of a conference — the parties, chats, lunches, airport arrivals — but with no actual conference. Apparently it was hugely successful and spawned many ongoing collaborations.

40. Avoid fields.
Jump fences. Disciplinary boundaries and regulatory regimes are attempts to control the wilding of creative life. They are often understandable efforts to order what are manifold, complex, evolutionary processes. Our job is to jump the fences and cross the fields.

41. Laugh.
People visiting the studio often comment on how much we laugh. Since I’ve become aware of this, I use it as a barometer of how comfortably we are expressing ourselves.

42. Remember.
Growth is only possible as a product of history. Without memory, innovation is merely novelty. History gives growth a direction. But a memory is never perfect. Every memory is a degraded or composite image of a previous moment or event. That’s what makes us aware of its quality as a past and not a present. It means that every memory is new, a partial construct different from its source, and, as such, a potential for growth itself.

43. Power to the people.

Play can only happen when people feel they have control over their lives. We can’t be free agents if we’re not free.

— Bruce Mau

End of the Month

I'm making a slow amount of progress across the board, but it's good change nonetheless. I've enrolled at Saddleback to take some courses in things I've always been interested in but for whatever reason have never found the time/space/availability to take.
I was registered for:

• Monday: Intro to Screen Printing
• Tuesday: Intro to Philosophy
• Wednesday: Entrepreneurship
  
• Thursday: Sewing, etc.

I need/ed 12 units to stay on my dad's health insurance, but today in talking with Chris and Laura I've decided that taking so much class is probably more detrimental to my current goals. Ideally I would be working all the time. I'm going to keep Intro to Screen Printing, because it's fucking sick, and the Entrepreneurship course, because I think it'll really help get my gears turning in terms of what it takes to get a business (or restaurant, in my case) started.

I'm slated to start at Velvet next Monday, hopefully it'll be five days a week, eight hours a day -- we'll see. I'm still looking to get on at a Trader Joe's for the chalk art (or anything, they're just such a great work environment). I want to be able to make $300/month payments back into the "leftover college fund" I used to pay my $12,000 debt, save money to travel extensively next summer, and get the hell out of my parent's house.

I guess some full time positions have opened in Guest Relations at the Park, too... Though there's simply no way I could do that, I would destroy the place. It had crossed my mind to follow in Jason's footsteps and transfer over into Hotel Guest Services at the Grand Californian, but I really think it's time for me to gracefully bow out of the Wonderful World of Disney, before my soul becomes rigid with cynicism.

Once I have some sort of substantial income and a steady schedule that I can plan around (that's one of the things I dislike most about Disneyland, being practically on-call) I'll start making more forays into career-driven inquiries.

Plan A is the Casa Romantica.

But that's mainly just a ploy to infiltrate and ultimately purchase that incredible place.

Good Morning, I'm Still Naked

A breakup without even having a relationship.
I mean... at least it's efficient.

I think I'm about finished airing out my daddy-issues.

I have been given so much.

Picking Up Speed

Tomorrow I'm sending a letter to John.

Monday I'll be at the Pixar Studios.

Tuesday I'll apply for the Manager Assistant position.


This could be it?

If I spent half the time I spent on the internet doing the things I always think about doing, I would be a much better person.

• I'm in the middle of six books, but haven't read any of them since I got back from Italy.

• I haven't painted or drawn in nearly a month.

• I found my "History of the Modern World" textbook and truly intend to read if from cover to cover.

• I've had something like nine days off in the last two weeks, and I still haven't finished tweaking my resume or written a cover letter or applied anywhere for any sort of substantial career.

I need to limit my time on the computer to like an hour in the morning and an hour at night.

Conversely though, Brandon's back in town and we've been hanging out all around San Clemente and Chris Luna is teaching me to surf and it's a blast. I'm super sore and crazy sunburned.

Graeme says he, Patrick and Sean are looking for a house for next year. I told them I'd be their fourth, which would be a hell of a lot of fun, but cements me into Orange for another year...

I'm not handling all this freedom well. I'm concerned about launching into one direction, finding out I dislike it, and not being able to go back and try the other option. I think I'm concerned about the wasting of time (and money, in grad school's case), but remaining hesitant to the point of not moving at all (...exactly what I'm doing) is stupid and miserable. I've got to pick something and start running.

Ok, here's the new plan...

• Work for a year. Or whatever. Kill the debt, you know. Maybe with Amtrak or OCTA. Something transportationy.
  
• Apply and complete the joint Masters program at Cal Poly SLO for City & Regional Planning and Transportation Planning.
• Become a professional grade hippy.
• Ball up and get the tattoo. Sooner rather than later.
• Run around the world in search of public transportation gone right. Starting back in Berlin.
• High Speed Rail. California. You’re mine.
• Convince Crosby to stop running for president or whatever he’s doing in DC and just be a senator in CA. That would help me out a lot.
• Get Rachel Barge and JP Watt on board, and we’re runnnnnnin’.
• Turn all freeways into grassy, hilly, rivery parks.

Sometimes it takes a bit of naivety.

On this new side of the world...

I moved to Italy two weeks ago to finish my last semester of school. I finished my Public Relations and Advertising major at the end of my junior year. I came to Lorenzo de’ Medici in Florence to finish my foreign language general education requirement and my art minor.

Last semester I failed a course, the first time I’ve failed anything. It didn’t really phase me.

I retook the course over interterm instead of the art course I had planned, knowing it would be easier to find an art course that would transfer from LDM to Chapman than a science course.

As a result, I’m taking 19 units. I couldn’t bring myself to drop the Italian Food & Wine Pairing course, so I’m just paying the unit overload fee of $1,050.00. (Ridiculous, right? But it’s cheaper and easier than delaying graduation and taking it over summer.)

The courses I’m taking are fantastic:

• Jewelry Making
• Italian Food & Wine Pairing
• Italian
• Pastels
• Sculpture
• Art Conservation Theory

Coming Attractions

Rome (February 7-8):

• The Vatican including: The Vatican Museum, the Sistine Chapel, Raphael's Rooms, St. Peter's Square, the Bassilica & the Catacombs below.
• Church of San Paolo Fuori le Mura

• The Colosseum
• The Arch of Consstantin
• The Forum
• The Trajan Column
• The Pantheon
• The Trevi Fountain
• The Spanish Steps
• Pizza Venezia & the Vittoriale
• Traditional 3 course Roman lunch near the Appian Way
• The Catacombs of St. Domitilla

Venice (February 14-15):

• The Island of Murano, assisting glass master
  
• The Island of Burano
• Walking Tour of Venice, including: the Bridge of Sighs, Saint Mark's Square, St. Mark's Basilica, The Museum of Horses, Pala d'Oro, The Venice Theater area, The Rialto Bridge.
• Typical Carnival dinner (opening weekend!!)
  

• Palazzo Ducale
• The Church of S. Maria della Salute
• The Peggy Guggenheim Collection

Paris, France (February 26-March 1):

• Montemarte
• The Eiffel Tower
• The Cathedral of Notre Dame
• The Seine
  

Paris isn't a school trip, it's me and my roommates. What would you suggest!??

Tumblr

I've been ruefully neglectful of this little corner of the internet. I'm spending an embarrassing amount of time stalking people I don't know who posses excellent taste in all things naked, written and photographed by way of Tumblr.

I've been having such a time that I've created my own, to be found at http://sixofsire.tumblr.com/ .

I haven't quite pinned the reason down yet, but I still prefer Blogger as an overall outlet. Maybe because it's tied into the wonderful world of all things Google. My limited understanding of html seems to serve me better here as well.

Should you decide to check out my Tumblr, heads up, there's a whole lot of naked. In an artistic vein. Jesus.

The female body is an incredible and enviable thing. A complete piece but still a perfect canvas.

Efron.

I want to be able to pull off dirty sex hair as well as this: